Arevoir 2008: for my full time friends <3

A year ago I decided to go to the Hamptons, to get away from the cold city, I needed some country warmth and I didn't know where to get it. Then I ended up arraging flowers at the local church. I was so out of myself, but I knew that helping other with even less than me would be the answer.
I was helping with the organization of a New Years Eve party for Long Island illegal inmigrants that had no families to celebrate with. People with rough pasts, that went trhough rehab and jail. I offered myself to do all the flowers for the venue. I was there trying to make other's lifes special, cause mine was lost, mine was made out of crumbs, a million pieces, I had no idea how to pick up and no clue about how to rebuilt it,it was just broken. That was my New Years Eve 2007
I refugeed myself at the Hamptons, the place that was crazy for the summer, it was empty and peaceful now. It was, also, all this people's, with no ties, no links and no love, refugee for a day.
I'm trying to identify exactly what I felt, cause I remember I really wanted to be with my grandparents: watching movies, eating shortbread, hugging the dog...and I couldn't, tough, I wasn't sad. I see the pictures from that day and I can see that I was also happy for being able to make someone else happy, and I remember also, my cousin made me happy =) She gave a bottle of Moët, that I didn't drink, and she took me to nail spa and I had my nails done, someone did that for me for the first time in my whole life. So I felt like God was finally giving me a present for myself.
I remember what I expected for my 2008, and it's exactly what I've got, but given a completley different way, the hard way. If someone would predicted my 2008, I would have never belived it! It was... something else and now, thanks God it's over! All I can say is that I hope to keep on learning in a little milder way, cause this year I just learned the SUPER HARD WAY.
I remember praying and asking for wisdom, for a super sharp perception even stronger than the one I had before, I asked for never stopped being myself and never loose passion and the way I full feel, to accept this condition, not as problem but as a blessing... and all that I was given this year, what I didn't know is that the way to train this perception of mine, was to feel and perceive deceives and lies, all bad feelings turning true. That, now I realize, is a blessing cause with the same certainty I perceived those painful things, now I'm able to feel, full feel and perceive, happines and love, tenderness and care; "tha darkest night is just before dawn" How can I be able to know what beauty is made out of I wasn't able to describe misery? I guess I'm ready now, I hope so.
Thanks to my friend for ALWAYS be there for me!

Dave, thanks for all of your advices, for all the shit you give me, and predicting all the disasters waiting to happen. Please don't kill urself, yo se que ud sabe a que me refiero! <3 -losabe! Thx for being that shoulder to cry from the distance, that gmail chat window that is never closed for me. Thanks for your care, love and patience. I know ur sick of me telling you "Fuck I'm crumbs, I choose mr. AH again..." but I promisse this is all gone with 2008. I hope to have more time of "orejas calientes", music and my gay friend I love, and less of a counselor. I hope you listen to me when I give you counceling, trust me I'm not only good to councel st8 man like Reddy =) I wish you never loose ur bubbly being, I wish you never stop laughing, I wish you realize it doesn't matter where you go there will be always someone to make you happy, and if you go nowhere sure someone will come, I wish you trust yourself more and I wish you to know that we all love you more when you show feelings. Plz don't think that all the ones that show feelings end up like me, I'm just a silly rabbit.
Love you, you have all my <3, in pieces, but you have it cause you have earn it.

David Pelutti, thanks for Ramona, lay lady lay and all those twisted tangos! Thanks God we never did got married! I wish you can see yourself with the eyes of the ones who love : as the great man you are! I would've been the worst wife, I would've been frustrated with you and your selfsteem, I would have blame myself for not being able to make you see urself truly. I know you have a huge love capability, what amazes me is how don't you apply that to urself? So, I'm glad that ur my best friend instead and that you're working on improving not yourself, but on getting rid of that curtain you have in your eyes that doesn't let you see the reality. Pelu, you're a triple menace for any man: you're goodlooking, smart, sweet, you have done things no man in their 30's have done! You have a masters and a published book! Any smart woman will appreciate that! The day you realized that, women will also. I've met men, not even have of what ur, having twice the luck of urs, because they think they are something and they project it, even though they're none! You have freaking material, so use it!
Love you lots and if I was there, if I was your crying shoulder on 2007 and you were mine on 2008, I hope we both share all the happines of life in 2009, may be I'm never gonna get drunk again with you or cry while criticizing Bob Dylan's misogynous behaviour, but I will always, always will try to make our time special =) Our kind of special!

Neto, Reddy for me =) Thanks for being a real man. Thanks for being that figure in my life that doesn't let me forget about there is, and must be somewhere in this shitty world, another great, well respected man like you. I know your life hasn't being easy piece of cake, I know being in love of highschool whore isn't the easiest thing in life, but you're over it, I must admit I was concerned about you getting stucked in to it, but no, you know what you're made of. Thanks for teaching me what I thought I knew but I didn't, thanks for being soooo straight forward, thanks for being the one man in life that says what he honestly thinks and for being so accurate at every comment. Thanks for not let me turn in to NY girl that gets conformed with crumbs and leftover feelings, thanks for reminding me where I come from, for keeping me real, not letting me loose myself in to this hedonistic cosmos. I will never, ever forget that day you told me "even if it's just being with you one day Laura..." I almost forgot that I worth a man's time, "without you I'm getting lost" You're like my own blood by now, I wish nothing but the best for you: the best luck, the best girl, the best job, the best life, the brightest future. Please, promisse me that you'll never sell yourself cheap, that you'll always be that "well respected man", I know we all commit mistakes and I love the fact that you do tell me and that you never hide from them. Whatever you do I'll be there, like true blood. Love you more than you think and I will always be here to help or share anything that I'm needed for =)

Iurij, thanks for being my NY party pal, my confident when I was alone and in a really difficult position. Thanks for bringging so much joy to my life, for letting me discover a side of my self I didn't know I had. You're one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. I'm so glad you're truth to urself, I'm so glad to see how succesful you are, I love the fact that you struggle towards the end like an unstopable force of nature; despites sadness, sickness or tension. I will always be there for you, always. Bare naked soul you can come and watch Closer once again with me, here, Spain, NY... wherever life puts me, you'll always have home <3 Love you

Jime, this year I just realized that I really missed you in my life. May be my most private friend. I would not even dare to leave her what I really feel here, she might kill me ha!. But I do want to say I will never be able to say it. Everytime I feel near to say it, you seem to cut the line, so I just want to say that I really missed you, that enyojed like I haven't enjoyed nothing else having this time with you at NY and that you're one of the persons that really, definitley changed my life. You're nothing else but a blessing for me. I wish you nothing but happines and peace, that I know you'll get it, sooner or later you will, you deserve that. You're one of my best, real friends. Love you lots and hope this year gets to be the greatest full of positive meanningful changes for u =)

Maik, I know Maik since I was in highschool. I always admire her for her effort and she seemed unstopable to me, but somehow something was off to me with her: she didn't seemed free. Now I understand and I can really say I love her. She is one of the few girls I trust and admire, she is great and she is finnally free. I'm so glad that she is my life nowadays! Love you Maik. oshe?

I do love all my friends, I do. But this year this people I just mentioned, were angels on my way. When I really needed a hand, there was always that gmail chat window, they never closed their hearts for me. I always have that warmth right there, the kept me real, they opened my eyes to reality. They will always have a spot in my heart. I'll be here, for them , I'll be virtually here when I can't be phisically near to them, but I will always keep them close to me in my deepest thoughts.

Arevoir 2008! Thanks for all the good lessons, the bad and the ugly memories that 2009 will erase <3